Lackadaisical Inside Me


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Lackadaisical Inside Me
By: Cam

Tonight the devil laughs at my lackadaisical mood.
His uncut jagged fingernails point at me, damning me from my work.
I have no desire to write, paint, create.
The animal inside is winning the battle tonight.
I want to sit and let the powers at hand win.
I am feeling alone; at least I have my shadow.
What might be worse is I’m afraid to be around people.
I’m confrontational.Pompous.
Pretentious, with nothing to show and maybe nothing to give.
All my confusion, my paranoia, and unwillingness cloud my mind.
I am a child trying walk through the valley of darkness.
No guidance, but a grudge that helps me put one foot in front of the other.
A desire to get back what I lost.
Tonight I have fallen from my shadow, lost in a world of television and failure.
Pornography whispers to the animal inside of me,
Fuck and beat until you want to sleep.
Everyone else does it, everyone else is the same.
You will not overcome the overpowering spell on mankind.
Walk the same path, be the same path, become nothing, as all of this is bleeding inside me.
There is only one way to find me, a blank page, and the start of my fingers typing.
As redemption only comes through action.

Lou Reed The Boundary Pusher


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Today I awoke to some tragic news. Lou Reed has passed away. Its truly as is if this bright light has faded and is no longer shining with us. There are moments in my life that I can specifically remember when artists, Legends, have passed away. Johnny Cash being one of them. I was in high school ditching my religious class (I did that often) listening to the radio in the parking lot. The announcer came on and said “Johnny Cash has passed away.” It shouldn’t have been that big of a shock to me since I knew he had been bed ridden for several weeks, but it was a shock. The radio then played Johnny Cash’s cover of “Hurt.” That seemed appropriate to me at the time, and it almost brought me to tears as Johnny was a big influence to me. As for Lou, it is almost exactly the same instance. I will remember the exact place I was in when I found out that he has moved on.
Sunday’s are days that I find to be relaxing as I get to some what sleep in. After a long night of writing, smoking, and drinking I don’t think I was prepared for the news. I got up and of course turned on my computer to start editing what I had written last night. Always trying to delete the trash and keep the gold. I just so happened to find my mind wondering while in the process and clicked on to Facebook. That’s the last way you want to find out that a Legend has moved on. However it was nice to see so many posts, news articles, and pictures of his historic career. As a fan I have been listening to Velvet Underground for several years now. Lou and Velvet have become amazingly influential to me over the past couple of years. The life of Lou Reed astonished me. He was a boundary pusher, a road paver, and an exceptional artist.
It is always rare to find a man who lives “on the wild side.” People like Lou are diamonds among the coals. I can’t help but feel a deep sadness that he has gone. Its funny in life that the things you love always seem to leave and maybe I’m a little bit funny for thinking of Lou Reed as someone who I’ve loved but it seems true to me that you never know how much you love something until its gone. I’ve never been to a concert of his, and I’ve never held a conversation or even met him in person. However the countless hours of listening to his music has made me feel attached to him and I like to think that I have come to know him as a person or at least as an artist. He has changed the way I look at music and Lou Reed will be missed greatly.

I figured I would share a few of my favorites from his catalog today in all this. May he be remembered forever, as that is the goal of every artist.

She Walked Out On Me


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Away, distant, Lost in the caverns of my mind.
She walks in, tears streaming down her face.
Angry, she waits until she is noticed.
Trying to climb out of the deep tunnel, the far away place, the lost sanctuary that I am stationed,
She gets frustrated and no longer can wait.
She starts yelling.
Something about how I haven’t met her needs,
That I haven’t cleaned the already grungy apartment building,
That the dog still needs to be walked.
After the long hike back from the lost world of my sub-conscious with my ripped jeans and dry mouth.
I try to reconcile with her,
I can take the dog out now! I retort
Not fully understanding that my attitude was the last straw to break the camels back.
She tells me “I’m leaving you.”
Timp Cave
(This poem I wrote made me laugh so I thought I would share it)

My Name is not Me

They called me a name when I was born,
A little human from somewhere unknown.
They called me a name while studying in school.
A person young enough to be corrupted by the cruel.
They said my name when I was in trouble or disobeying their laws.
Because I was different then they and not continuing their cause.
They called me names of hurt and destruction
All to bring me down to their level of consumption.
My name was given so that I may follow,
but I am not a person who is empty or hollow,
I will no longer kneel,
or be like a mutt and learn to heel.
Therefore I will stand and continue to be.
Wither you like it or not, my name is not me.

Sigur Rós new Song: ÍSJAKI



Sigur Ros has a new album coming out that I am anticipating greatly. Here is the single from their new album. I hope it brings joy into your heart and soul.

(I have been slacking on my blog recently. I hope to get back to posting on a weekly basis. I also hope everyone is doing well and is happy. I have been working on a painting for several months and am excited that it is nearly finished. I can’t wait to post it and share with all of you)


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