Frequency to Grow


, ,

There is a frequency that we don’t see, a special vibrating color floating through our bodies,
Its elaborate ploy is not harmful, but evolving the way we see, the way we think.
Let us open the door and let it in, let it sink.
One can only hope to feel the enormous weight of color rushing through the heart,
The emotion is only the start.

The beating of a drum, rushing blood, driving the wheel to the mind
Like a loud catchy song, or a bond never to be broken between loved ones.
Two friends hand in hand can change the world, but without the frequency all is lost.
The special guidance of our subconscious, I pray touches all of us.
All of us have a great power, although the guilty keep the tides at bay.
Plaguing us with sex, violence, and the ever existence of the difference of race.
If we focus on the animal in all of us, we will never set a pace.
Never grow, never progress.

Open up the subconscious, turn off the ignorance because a great lie is that we are in bliss.
Monkey see Monkey do, is not a future I want for me or you.
May we walk a different road then our fathers,
Let us stumble, and stub our toes,
For it is only through failure that we will grow.


Mother’s Day


, ,

I feel the need to share something about mother’s on this day, as I am sure a lot of you feel the same way. I like so many have had the privilege and honor to know some amazing women (mother’s), my mother being one of them. My mother, I have constantly said she is the glue to my family. She is the one that when things get crazy and difficult she always reminds us that we are a family and we must stick together. Of course she does this in her own special way, and those of you who know my mother can probably attest to this. Although this note is not only about how deeply I love my mother but all mothers.

I have been blessed when my life has had times of sorrow and need, by a mother. When I was younger I jaunted to a foreign land (Brasil) and was thrust into the different culture without any idea of how I would adapt. I am not ashamed to admit that I was culture shocked, almost dumbfounded by the way things were in this country. I was depressed and felt hopeless in a way that I couldn’t do anything to help the wonderful people there. Although it came to me long after my trip there that it wasn’t they who needed help but me. I met a woman who I am luckily still friends with today. She didn’t have much, but she had love for her family and her daughter. For some reason, possibly out of need, we connected and she took care of me. When I was sick, she provided me with medicine and something to eat. She talked to me for hours even though my Portuguese was horrendous. She was a mother to me, and I am forever grateful for her. Without her, I would not have been able to see the beauty of Brasil. Beauty that has changed my life forever. I place a picture below that reminds me of Brasil. It is a mother and a baby monkey, as I saw many of them in the trees by the place that I lived.
A mother's touch

Love is so much apart of being a mother. A Love from a mother can shed its brilliant light on all of us in different ways. There is a time in my life that I don’t talk about, mostly because it is difficult for me, but on this day I would like to share a little bit about that life. I think I must start this off by a quote from Alan Watts that can relate to the topic of mothers or in this case motherhood. He says “We should not look at how we are made, but how we have grown.” Often time in life it is the mom who help their children grow. In 2008 I was blessed with the knowledge that a woman I was in love with was pregnant. My little child was going to be born. I couldn’t imagine that the greatest creation one can create was happening to me and I would be a father but with all things in life come complications. The mother and I had our differences and we both were young at the time. Although I loved her and my soon to be daughter, deep down we both knew that we were unable to give the child the life it needed and deserved. I am thankful for her mother being clear minded enough to see this. Through many complications and a few hardships we decided to give our baby girl up for adoption. The mother of my child, helped grow her for 9 long immensely difficult and stressful months. This mother was the start of this special child’s growth. This mother cared and loved her so deeply that when she was born she was a healthy baby. For that I am forever grateful to the mother, as later on in my life this child was the only reason that I am still alive. (Another story perhaps for another time) Might I also say that the strength of this mother was something that only I can explain by heroes of old, Hercules for some reason comes to mind. Strength that can only be called a myth by people who have never seen it. However I have seen this strength and I have felt this strength so I know that it exists. Its the strength of a mother. There are few who would be strong enough, intelligent enough, to give their baby up for adoption while admitting to themselves that they are not ready for motherhood.
wild-animals-offspring-01 (What more fitting animal then a Lion to express strength)

This was a time of a dark spiral in my own life, as I had lost almost everything I had loved and cared about. My parents were losing their home, my father had lost his job and I watched as they received no answers to their misery. In my own circumstance I had lost my job, my car, my child, and the woman I loved and in my despair luckily I was blessed by another mother. Sometimes it seems people are in our lives for a short season, but for profound reasons. She was the mother, to the daughter that bore my child. She showed compassion to me, and when I was alone she gave me some advice that I will never forget. She told me about her own life and some of the stories that she has had that helped shape my perspective, but there is one thing that stands out and I can’t forget. She said to me “Its ok to cry. Its ok to be upset.” In a world where a man can’t cry, where a man has to be strong, I have always felt ashamed of crying until she said it was ok. Sometimes its the strong that cry. She then said something that I felt was great advice. She said “You can cry, cry your heart out. Go home and do this, but only do it tonight. Tomorrow is a new day and you have to be strong for whatever happens next.” It is important to remember in difficult times to stay positive and keep your head up. Another magnificent mother blessed my life. It is only natural and fitting that her daughter would be so strong, because she was raised by a woman that was equally strong in her own way.

I come to the end of my post, but not without saying something about the Mother who adopted my little girl. She was a woman that I hardly knew at the start of the adoption, but luckily has become a close friend to me through the past few years. In life we are expected to make choices, to change, to grow. It was important to me to see my daughter grow and be given a life that I couldn’t give her. Something a man like myself must swallow his pride on, because I, myself, was unable to give her the life that I wanted to see her have. Through the years I have watched from a short distance of how my little girl is growing. I guess its a fatherly instinct. This mother (and father) has treated my little girl (now theirs) with a love that is so powerful and amazing that one can only compare it to the Sun. The sun is what gives life. This mother has not only loved her as her own, but given her a beautiful life. This precious little girl is now happily growing everyday and as this mother shines like the sun, there becomes no doubt in my mind that she and her husband are supposed to raise this little girl. And although I will always love this little girl with all of my being, I know she is being taken care of and loved by two amazing people.

elephant mother (I have always loved elephants because of how consciously aware they are. They are an animal that constantly loves and watches over their children. I don’t know of a better animal I could choose to represent such love)

I couldn’t be more grateful to all the mothers that have blessed my life. I can only hope that my post might bring to light how important women and mothers are to each and every one of us. The Dali Lama once said “The world will be saved by the western woman.” I couldn’t agree more. Happy mothers day to all woman, who want kids, have kids, give kids up for adoption, and to all those woman who love. All of you make this world a better place and gives me hope for the future. Happy Mothers Day.

Tragedy of the Muse (Drink up Me Hearties)


, , , ,

The Tragedy of the Muse By: Cam

A woman once told me that I am nothing more than anthropomorphic. Somehow I was not amused.
“We are daft and true, and fill our bodies with food. There is nothing else for us to do, you however are a hapless muse.” Spoken by delighted people, vigilant on sea wearing passage. The vessel we all sail on is only in turmoil when we are away from home on a hundred year voyage.

To the creatures and beasts who spew malice drudgery and fill the thoughts of our culture,
like a bucket on a rainy day. Enslaving with each drop, continuously overflowing until the rain stops.
Over-consumption becomes normality, I ask where are the hand cuffs?

Perhaps we can find something more to give life too and continue growing.
isn’t it true that all must need to consume? But how much consuming do we need to consume.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could make our own food? Much like photosynthesis for the Superman.
No more killing of animals, those that appear anthropomorphic much like myself.
Baaa! The sheep whimpers. May the people on the vessel echo the words eternally so that we will not forget the beauty of the sound when the sheep goes to the ground.

The artist is being eaten away,
and the muses are crying.

Fucking Blank Page

Fucking Blank Page
By Cam

Twine wraps around my aging body,
too tight, the circulation is cut off. Purple skin.
Pulsating, beating, dead.
No embrace from the feel of something different.
I’m terrified of life, because life has chewed my soul down to rubble.
and I’m still alive.
So I sit, I won’t brave another attempt.
The storm, the one where Christ awoke and with a wave from his mighty hand it stopped, ceasing to rage on.
All the fisherman saved, while his legacy grew.
a different storm, My storm, capsized the boat and Christ never awoke.
He drowned. I drowned.
The twine around my throat, wrapped around until my body croaked.
The waves they crashed my lifeless limbs against the aging rocks.
Blood stained the sea, while sharks took bits from my abdomen.
And everyone wonders why I keep to myself. A hermit, without any notes.
Loner, Loser, trapped in a four walled sanctuary, television blaring.
Fucking blank page. My Legacy dead.

Lung Cancer, Coffee, and Love


, , , , ,

Laughter fills the great hall of my pulmonary.
Smoke rolls in like the great adversary.
Polluting and drugging the alveoli,
While the milk and coffee soothes the burn,
The thought of you is all I yearn.

Isn’t it enough that the young never die?
Or is it the crazy that live forever?
Either way young and crazy is a concoction that I’d like to try.
Wouldn’t it be marvelous to sign up for that kind of life.
Her words echoed through the prison bars of my mind.
It wouldn’t be life if you weren’t by my side…echoing, shaking, echoing through out time.

The children gather, as steam rises into the cold winter sky.
The trees grow, the birds sing, and the lilacs paint a surreal scene.
How nice it would be to stay young, How nice it would be to grow old.
The two differ, but are seen throughout time as a lie.
The universe is a blessing, and the beauty is unrelenting.
Life is our gift, and love is the prize.

A Thought of Fruition


, , ,

Urge us to feel! To love, to notice the stars above.
Fight us, when we become stagnant, unevolved, and dead.
Let the sweet melodies of the wind serenade our souls,
Help us begin to understand that life was never meant to be dull.
Cut the bands from our wrist, and free our hearts.
Purge us from our consumption, hate, and greed to start.
Let the word go forth into the streets that we are alive, awakened, and progressing.
No more war, famine, and hunger.
We will no longer let our powers slumber.
The blood in my veins pours out onto this page,
as we are royalty and cannot be caged.
The world is harsh, unrelenting and cruel,
Let us work together to become a magnificent tool.
Fixing the evil, educating the ignorant, and cleansing the cesspool we find in each of us.
We are mankind and our strength lies within ourselves.
Urge us to lust for life,
To live without doubts, indecency, and malice.
Let fruition come to us and let us start to believe again.
The start begins with us.

Top 25 Songs of 2013


, ,

Here is my annual music in review. I decided to go the song route this time as it was difficult for me to find the time to listen to everything that came out. This year was a strange and beautiful year for music. I hope everyone enjoys my list and feel free to share with me your favorite songs of 2013.

1- Kanye West Song: New Slaves
2- Arcade Fire Song: After Life (Runner Ups: Reflektor, We Exist, Supersymmetry)
3- Earl Sweatshirt Song: Chum
4- Aloe Blacc Song: Wake Me Up (Runner Up: The Man)
5- Devendra Banhart Song: Never Seen Such Good Things
6- Eminem Song: Rap God
7- Laura Marling Song: I Was An Eagle (Runner Up: Take the Night off)
8- Blood Orange Song: You’re Not Good Enough
9- Parquet Courts Song: Stoned and Starving
10- Pearl Jam Song: Getaway
11- Serengeti Song: Directions
12- Portugal. The Man: Song: Sea of Air (Runner Up: Modern Jesus)
13- Deltron 3030 Song: City Rising from the Ashes
14- Big Sean Ft: Kendrick Lamar and Jay Electronica Song: Control
15- Hiam Song: The Wire
16- MGMT Song: Cool Song No. 2 (Runner up: Alien Days)
17- Deerhunter Song: Back to the Middle (Runner Ups: Sleepwalking, Punk)
18- Captain Murphy Ft: Viktor Vaughn, Earl Sweatshirt, and Thundercat Song: Between Villains
19- Blue Sky Black Death Song: V
20- Justin Timberlake Mirrors (Runner Ups: Tunnel Vision, Space Coupe, Suit & Tie)
21- Tyler the Creator Song: Cowboy (Runner Up: Bimmer)
22- A$ap Rocky Song: Long Live A$ap (Runner Up: Hell)
23- Jay Z Song: Heaven
24- Queens of the Stone Age Song: Keep Your Eyes Peeled
25- Bill Callahan Song: Small Plane