Lackadaisical Inside Me
Tonight the devil laughs at my lackadaisical mood.
His uncut jagged fingernails point at me, damning me from my work.
I have no desire to write, paint, create.
The animal inside is winning the battle tonight.
I want to sit and let the powers at hand win.
I am feeling alone; at least I have my shadow.
What might be worse is I’m afraid to be around people.
Pretentious, with nothing to show and maybe nothing to give.
All my confusion, my paranoia, and unwillingness cloud my mind.
I am a child trying walk through the valley of darkness.
No guidance, but a grudge that helps me put one foot in front of the other.
A desire to get back what I lost.
Tonight I have fallen from my shadow, lost in a world of television and failure.
Pornography whispers to the animal inside of me,
Fuck and beat until you want to sleep.
Everyone else does it, everyone else is the same.
You will not overcome the overpowering spell on mankind.
Walk the same path, be the same path, become nothing, as all of this is bleeding inside me.
There is only one way to find me, a blank page, and the start of my fingers typing.
As redemption only comes through action.